The Institutional Jester

Friday, December 08, 2006

Terror one Snowy Christmas Night

The Physics of Santa Claus clearly demonstrates how devoid most Physicists are in real world considerations. To summarize their analysis:
  • 378 Million eligible kids (Christian and good)
  • 31 Hours of working time means 822.6 visits per second covering 75.5 million miles
  • Minimum 321,300 ton payload, requiring 214,200 reindeer
  • Total weight of 353,000 tons moving at 625 miles per second
  • Air resistance generating 14.3 quintillion Joules per second (hard on the lead reindeer)
  • Centripetal force of 17,500 Gs endured by Santa
All of their analysis is reserved for object of study, but not the environment through which it moves. They are worried about the 214,000+ reindeer heating issues, and the fat man’s tolerance for gravitational forces.

You Blithering Idiots!

Consider the ground effect of 353,000 tons, traveling at 650 miles per second AT ROOFTOP LEVEL! Consider the impact of those 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second not on carbonized reindeer, but on the surrounding area! Of course, at the speed he’s moving, Santa avoids the Hiroshima-level devastation he leaves in his wake at 625 miles per second.

Osama Bin Laden has got nothing on Santa. Take my advice; if you see the Jolly Old Elf before Christmas Eve, pop a full clip of hollow points in the Old Geezer and save the planet from incineration!


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