A few shorts ones (A common condition in Caucasian males :)

My wife doesn't mind me going to lunch with female colleagues; she's firmly convinced no woman has as bad a taste in men as she does.

The only woman running her fingers through my long, wavy locks these days is my chiropractor when she adjusts my back.

Remember, if you can't laugh at yourself, the world will more than make up for your lack of participation.

The difference between the Biblical description of creation (7 days) and the geological evidence of billions of years? Scope Creep.

Bear mace; one of those great ideas that either works or doesn't.
If it doesn't, it's good that they put flourescent dye in it; at least it'll help identify where all the intestines are hanging in the trees.
And if it does work, would you want to be the next guy who that bear runs across? 'Oh, there's one of those hairless apes who tore the shit out of my nose last time!' GGRRRRRRR!!!.....AAARRGGGH!!!!!

Troll humor
There's a troll in all of us. Anybody else cheer for the Cave Troll against Legolus in the first Lord of the Rings? Damn long-haired, pointy-eared hippie; never trust any guy wearing tights, that's what the Troll says.

Was given a Senior Citzen's discount a while back at a movie theater; 11 years early. I just growled under my breath, the Scotsman in me taking some solice in saving two bucks. What would have been my Troll's response if I'd have let him have his say? It would have taken 4 cops, some baton work and a couple cans of mace to end the discussion.

The Reason for Lemming Behavior

Long ago, managerial lemmings hired a group of otters as consultants and tasked them with implementing a group vacation in the Bahamas. Unfortunately, the consultants neglected to consider the limitations and performance issues of the aquatic hardware available to the lemmings. Now, every so often, a new management lemming rediscovers the original project plan, hires more otters and attempts implementation.